Yes, i'm married

Its been a month since i made the drastic transition of moving from a well-earning job to school. And i'm loving my time here. I have to confess, its more fun and stimulating being a student, and although its been 4 years since i last worried about a test - the ride's been worth it. Getting to know random strangers across the meal table is a lot of fun. Where are you from ? Fresher or work ex ? Which university ? How many years you worked for ? Routine questions to exchange information, to size up your competition, to find a common ground as a basis for future interactions, to break the language barrier and Oh, what can i say of the delight when you know you can switch from the sophisticated tone of English to 'Namma Kannada' . And you slip into a much relaxed conversation, letting your guard down. Bumping into each other again at breakfast and probably at the stationary. Or perhaps we're in the same class? And then one day, during a casual chat, i just mention that i'm married. Oh, and how wide your eyes open with astonishment ? You exclaim out loudly. And you take a moment to regain composure, and tell me 'You dont look like that'. Honestly, is there a way married people are supposed to look like ? Do we have to carry a board around the neck saying, 'Sorry, this one's been taken'. I completely enjoy the look on your face, like i just zapped you with a stun-gun or something. I enjoy your reaction, because somewhere deep down, you have stereotyped married women. Demure and docile, sindhoor on the forehead, mangal sutra in the neck, and hair longer than what i have. You have put all married women into one box of 'cooking, cleaning and taking care of the house'. Or even if you claim to be modern and broad-minded , you still think women should stick to their jobs in the city and probably have a kid and 'settle down'. Or maybe because you're a woman too, who only dreamed of a balance between your personal and professional careers, but never believed it was possible. 
I'm enjoying it thoroughly because deep down, i know i've made a crack in your fortress, that i have made a hole in your box and a bit of what you think of a married woman just crumbled. Or because i'm sitting right in front of you, in flesh and blood, a violation of all that you have been brainwashed to believe. I laugh because i'm defying conformity, and i'm doing it in your face.  I laugh because i think its a joke !

Comments

Gecko said…
That's surprising. Cause when my wife and i were staying apart because of my educational reasons, nobody really freaked out; like it was not something extraordinary rather as if people do it all the time or it is expected even. But from my experience there are actually more men i know living in a "room" and their spouses living in a "home" than the other way around. Having said that i wouldn't react with such shock i met a girl staying apart for work or study.

p.s.: that trick might get old on a month or two? :)
anusha m said…
Do remember that i'm in a B-school in India where the average age is around 23, and its unusual for someone to be married and in a competitive course like this.
Rashmi said…
I appreciate the fact that you are taking this with a pinch of salt...Lovely..have fun..and keep sharing the experiences.

Rashmi
neollectual said…
My sisters went to medical school for post-graduate studies after their marriages too, and it was so cool that their husbands supported and encouraged them.

I'd like to think that your marriage is actually helping you as a student and helping you stay focused! So you actually have an advantage over others. It's wonderful. #BigProps Also mad props for being in such a great B-school!
Absolutely loved it! The best one I have heard - "You are married and you are *leaving* your husband and studying?". Me - Hmmm I don't remember mentioning anything about leaving my husband. All I said was i am married O_o
Anonymous said…
Great post. I know exactly how you feel. In my experience, this crosses national boundaries - there is a universal look of marriedness methinks.
I'm also told "you're so lucky your husband lets you study". Cos, you know, I am chattel and he owns me. My stock response is, "no, no, I let him work". Amazing watching the responses.

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